Mission Accomplished
 

 

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MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

                                                         By   Kathy VanWey

 

From: rappeller1@armyissue.org

To:  rockclimber@northcoast.com

Hi Honey,

            Just a quick note.  We’re after an Al Qaeda leader, Yassif Abdul Hussein Mahmoud, one of “Chemical Ali’s” henchmen.   We’re slightly north of Baghdad going from village to village searching for him.  So far, all our leads have fizzled out. 

            I did have some fun a few days ago.  I was able to teach some of the allied troops how to rappel out of a fifteen story building.  What a blast! 

           Can’t wait till we can take the kids rock climbing with us. Hope they’re being good for you.  Miss you guys so much.  Give out plenty of hugs and kisses for me.

 Love,

 Brad

PS – What’s the latest on the loan for the van?

 

 

From: rockclimber@northcoast.com

To:  rappeller1@armyissue.org

Hey Babe,

            Boy do I miss you!  Kids are at their usual – Austin found out that manhole covers will smash fingers every time.  Fortunately, nothing broken but the middle two on his left hand are in a splint.

             Regarding the van – the salesman called and said that we had some major problem with our credit.  I told him we had an excellent rating, but he didn’t believe me. I told him I’d straighten it out when the kids take their afternoon nap.

            Love you more than you’ll ever know,

            Missy

 

 

From: rappeller1@armyissue.org

To:  rockclimber@northcoast.com

            Honey – the evening news may upset you tonight – we’re all okay, but one of our humvees was blown up.  Damn those terrorists are ticking me off!

            Love,

             Brad

PS – Van?

 

 

From: rockclimber@northcoast.com

To:  rappeller1@armyissue.org

Hey Babe,

            I called the lady at the credit agency and tried to explain that Brad Miller was a common name and asked if there was a mix-up.  She got really snippy with me and said they didn’t make mistakes. I’ll go down to their office and straighten it out.

            The twins announced that they hate school and never want to go back.  And it’s only the first month of first grade.  Hope it’s not going to be a long twelve years.

            Love you so much,

            Missy

 

 

From: rappeller1@armyissue.org

To:  rockclimber@northcoast.com

           Honey – we’ve covered five towns looking for Mahmoud.  Literally we’re going house to house, mosque to mosque.  He’s slicker than Saddam. Sooner or later we’re going to catch him.  He’s responsible for over 200,000 deaths. 

Hugs and Kisses

Love,

Brad

 

 

From: rockclimber@northcoast.com

To:  rappeller1@armyissue.org

Hey Babe,

            Mom watched the kids while I went down to the credit bureau.  It’s located in an old, decrepit house.  The young girl who waited on me was a doll. Then her supervisor stomped over and butted in.  Talk about Beauty and The Beast.  This woman was awful.  She was snotty and refused to listen too my story.  I tried to explain that the salesman would only hold the van till tomorrow for us.  She said I had to bring in our last credit report.  I’ll call family support services at the old post and see what info they can fax.

            Some good news – I ran into the Deavers at the PX.  They said their kids weren’t interested in climbing anymore and asked if I’d want to buy the gear for our kids.  It was reasonably priced so I jumped on it. 

            The baby is adorable and making new cooing noises every day.  How we miss you!

            All my love,

            Missy

 

 

From: rappeller1@armyissue.org

To:  rockclimber@northcoast.com

            Honey – I’m so pissed off right now.  We had Mahmoud in our crosshairs and the freakin’ satellite went out and we couldn’t get permission in time to fire on him.  Son-of-a-Bitch escaped.  What’s with the van? Kiss the kids.

            Love,

            Brad

 

 

From: rockclimber@northcoast.com

To:  rappeller1@armyissue.org

            Hi!

            This isn’t going to help your mood.   The salesman sold it to someone else and all on account of that nasty woman.  He’s really nice and will call me when a vehicle comes in which suits our needs.  Meanwhile, I’ll try to get this credit mess straighten out.

            Austin says he either wants to be a soldier like his daddy or a florist like Great Uncle Percy. Guess the kid’s in touch with his feminine side.

            Love you forever,

            Missy

 

 

From: rappeller1@armyissue.org

To:  rockclimber@northcoast.com

            Honey,

            I’ve been in meetings all day with the commanding officers.  Tell Austin right now a career in flower arranging sounds good to me too. Hope the credit mess is getting straighten out.  Think we should look into attorneys who specialize in this type of thing?

             Happy Birthday! You don’t know how much I wish could be there.  Look in my lower dresser drawer for your gift.

            Love, Brad

 

 

From: rockclimber@northcoast.com

To:  rappeller1@armyissue.org

            Sweetheart!  A weekend away at Sedona!! Oh, Honey!  It’s so extravagant!  You know it’s my favorite place to climb in the entire world!!!!!   I can’t believe you had my airplane ticket right there!  And the card from your folks saying they would come to watch the kids!  Honey – you couldn’t have thought of a better gift!

            When I know what you’re going through and the conditions that you live in, how could I possibly complain about wanting to get away from the kids for a little bit.  But, in all honesty, I need a break from them.

            This timing is so ironic.  I went to talk to Beauty and The Beast again.  Like I said, it’s an old house with stone-cement steps that are falling apart.  Besides refusing to listen to me about our credit being screwed up, I mentioned that the steps were going to crumble and crumble soon. The Beast actually sneered, “those steps have been around over seventy-five years, they’ll still be there in another seventy-five.” 

             I tried to tell her that I really do know what I’m talking about - having a degree in geology and being a rock climber. She turned around in a huff and stormed out.  This lady is one, huge, huge woman. I’ve seen smaller professional football players.   I accidentally let “great white whale” slip under my breath to Beauty and she turned fire engine red trying to stifling the laughter.

            I guess you have your terrorist and I have mine …LOL! 

            Love you so much!  Thank you again for the most thoughtful gift in the whole wide world!

            Love you forever,

            Missy  

 

 

From: rappeller1@armyissue.org

To:  rockclimber@northcoast.com

            Hi honey. 

            It’s been a shitty day. We heard that Mahmoud was smuggled out of the country.  We’re bummed after all the time we put in searching for this scumbag.  Sorry I’m not better email company. We’re waiting for our new assignment.

            I feel so powerless not being able to help you deal with the credit agency.  Don’t hesitate to get a lawyer.  This mess could ruin our rating and keep us from buying a house.   Kiss the kids –

            Love,

            Brad

 

From: rockclimber@northcoast.com

To:  rappeller1@armyissue.org

            Babe,

            It’s been a shitty day here too – literally.  The kids were up all night puking and pooping. Heard it’s a 48-hour virus, with the first 10 being the worst.  It was amazing.  You could set your clock by it.  Austin got sick about 2:00 a.m..  Two hours later the twins started and two hours later the baby got it.  There’s not a piece of bedding in this house that hasn’t been washed at least once. If the bug stays on course, I should be upchucking within the hour.

            And it was a shitty day for another reason. The people at Sedona Climbers called.  Due to our “bad” credit rating they had “to decline” our business.  So far, The Beast has cost us a vehicle and now my birthday trip.

            I stormed into the credit agency   Beauty cowered in the corner.  I told The Beast if this didn’t get this mess straighten out I was getting a lawyer. Also, as a courtesy, I warned her again that those two front steps were going to crumble and if she didn’t get them fixed she could be facing one massive lawsuit.  She screamed at the top of her lungs for me to get out.

            Right now, I’m absolutely devastated about the trip, but I know that things always work out for the best.  It’s just really, really hard, I wanted to go so much.  Oh well, maybe another time. But thank you so much for thinking of such an incredibly thoughtful gift. 

            Love you more than you’ll ever know,

            Missy

 

 

From: rappeller1@armyissue.org

To:  rockclimber@northcoast.com

            Honey – sorry that I haven’t had a chance to write. We’ve been on the move for a solid week.  Lucky to get two hours sleep a night.  We finally caught Mahmoud!  He was hiding in a cave.  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! 

            I’m so proud of my outfit and the way they’ve performed under extraordinarily difficult circumstances.

            I felt terrible about you not getting to go on your birthday trip.  Have you called  an attorney yet?  Hugs and kisses to all.

            Love,

            Brad

 

 

From: rockclimber@northcoast.com

To:  rappeller1@armyissue.org

            Babe – Congratulations!!!  What an accomplishment!!!!  This is what makes all of our sacrifices so totally worthwhile!!!

            I investigated various attorneys and found out about several who are good in the field.  One in particular, Sam Krotzer, has been highly recommended.  I thought I’d make one last trip to the credit bureau and bluff them with Krotzer’s name.  If they didn’t fold, I could always call him and make an appointment.

            When I walked in Beauty rushes over and says, “You were right!  You were right!  The steps crumbled just like you said they would! Last night my supervisor fell and broke her hip and her leg in three places.  She’ll be out at least ten to twelve weeks.”

            Without even thinking, I blurted, “with her weight, it’ll be at least twelve.”  Beauty agreed with me.  Then I said, “I guess that makes you in charge.”  She thought for a second and replied, “Let’s take care of that problem you’ve been experiencing.”

            Honey, with three strokes on the keyboard she straighten out our mess! I was so relieved I burst into tears right there. On the way home, I stopped at the Flower Mart to have a lovely bouquet and a thank-you card delivered to her.  While it still smarts I didn’t get to go on my trip, I’m absolutely giddy that everything is straightened out. Can’t wait till you’re home!  Congratulations again!!!!!

            Love you,

            Missy.

 

 

            As she signed off the computer, she grabbed a cleaning rag and wiped the cement dust off of the elongated claw of the swing hook hammer.  Carefully she placed it back in its leather holster.  As she imagined what The Beast looked like with her leg and hip in traction she smiled to herself.   MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!